for many years, the pieces of shit had worked as an army against me to use visual and auditory conditioning to police my thoughts. they had left me no way to ignore that these things were intentional and related to my thoughts, and I had spent a good number of years trying to find ways to block them out. ignoring them proved impossible, and so I started sticking pieces of plastic in my ears, listening to loud music, finding places with walls, and finally closing my eyes in public. when these methods did not prove effective, I tried self-deception, and had put all my effort into it every moment of every day for about a year, which did not prove effective because they started taking advantage of my thoughts. I constantly receive electric shocks to areas of my body which I don't want to specify, my ears often hurt and I get frequent headaches, everywhere I go everyone acts like they know who I am, and they still take advantage of my every thought and punish me for my thoughts by means of coercive manipulation, whenever I become too confident in any way they work as a team to force some ideology on me to police me, and anyone I talk to will use information about my life against me, such as things that happen when I am alone inside my house, or thoughts that I think. if I mention any of this to any of them, they'll explain it away as either a mental illness, or a theory that I have decided to build for some freudian reason. anyone I turn to is the same, will be an asshole to me, will discriminate against me, will use information about my life against me and take advantage of every moment in which I show anything that could be mistaken for the slightest kindness, will use manipulation against me and take advantage of my thoughts, and will reject me if I let down my guard in any way. then they use it against me that I don't have any of these pieces of shit in my life, and coerce the ideology on me by telling me that I have built a theory just to block these pieces of shit out. true, I would like to block these pieces of shit out in any way, but if I tell them that this is not my reason for the judgments I make about the world, and that I am able to make all kinds of distinctions in matters of judgments and perception, I don't think I owe them any further explanations than this.
I constantly practice psychological defences against them, I wear layers of ear protection and use auditory defences to keep them away from my thoughts, and sometimes I just close my eyes because they are just constantly inserted into my eyes and use their fingers in ways they have conditioned me in great masses over long periods of time to regard as torture, the last of which they will consider unforgivable and attack me in mobs for (not while I am walking or doing anything that will require the use of my eyes). these are just a few of the violations I feel like mentioning. but then, they'll constantly try to make me see myself as someone who is abusive, as this is yet another form of lobotomy they can use to police my every move and every word, and will corroborate each other regarding this as they will corroborate each other in denying any of the violations that are committed against me. why am I abusive? because I say what I think, and that makes me abusive. of course, as soon as I buy into it, they will take advantage of me, will use guilt tactics specifically exploiting my thoughts (that is, they will tell me precisely the things I will be most likely to believe, and use this to make me feel morally obliged to them), will use this to take away more of my space, and will use this to make me accept more violations of my rights and to regard these in some other terms.